Matchmaking, divination and Heavenly signs

Over the years I have received numerous phone calls and emails from people asking me to assist a friend or family member in their search for a suitable marriage partner. The Torah reading yesterday got me wondering if, in light of my persistent failure as a matchmaker, I should perhaps adopt a more creative approach.

Having been dispatched by Avraham to identify a suitable wife for Yitzchak, Eliezer looks for a sign in order to fulfil his mission:

And it will be, [that] the maiden to whom I will say, 'Lower your pitcher and I will drink,' and she will say, 'Drink, and I will also water your camels,' her have You designated for Your servant, for Isaac, and through her may I know that You have performed loving kindness with my master. (24:14)

The rest, as they say, is history. Eliezer’s proposed sign immediately bears fruit, Rivka offers to water his camels and by the end of the chapter is married to Yitzchak. But setting aside the practicalities of following Eliezer’s example, how halachically advisable would it be for me to seek and interpret heavenly signs in order to cure my matchmaking shortcomings?

In its discussion of the biblical prohibition against “divining” – the attribution of superstitious significance to worldly events – the Gemara considers that Eliezer’s actions constituted a prime example of divination. Yet the Talmudic commentary of Rabbeinu Nissim of Girona argues that this was not a prohibited form of divination:

The divination prohibited by the Torah is that of a person who relies on a sign for which there is no logical basis that it should be beneficial or detrimental, such as bread falling from his hand or a deer crossing his path…these and their like are considered ‘darkei Emori’. But one who follows signs which have logical basis for providing benefit or detriment this is not divination, for all matters of the world are such … [Commentary to Chullin 95b]

As Judaism Reclaimed explores, this explanation parallels the approach of Rambam in Moreh Nevuchim, who understands that practices are only prohibited as superstitious if they i) have no logical basis and ii) cannot be demonstrably proven to have worked.

Rambam views the laws of the natural world as a product of divine wisdom. They represent an important means for acquiring awe, love and knowledge of God. Any practice which can be demonstrated to be effective is therefore a reflection of God's wisdom in creating the world. If magical rites and superstitious signs were actually effective, the Torah would have had no cause to prohibit them. The problem with these imagined products of trickery lies primarily in the claim that they involve the use of powers which lie above God's natural laws, therefore wielding the ability to control and manipulate them. This creates an impression of the existence of additional and distinct supernatural powers — a dark side to be served and appeased — which makes sorcery and necromancy natural bedfellows of idolatry.

On this basis we can vindicate Eliezer’s sign-seeking on two accounts. First of all, the sign that he proposed was an entirely logical test of character to identify the Matriarch-in-waiting. Secondly, he specifically includes God in the process – asking Him to ensure the success of his design. While the legitimacy of “testing God” in this manner leads to further complications under “Do not test God…” )Devarim 6:16, see Ramban’s commentary there).

In summary, while there therefore appear to be halachically acceptable ways through which to tap into heavenly signs, my match-making career cannot rely on the existence of any magical or fool-proof formula. Matches may indeed be made in Heaven. The ability to spot them, however, would seem to require a more Earthly enterprise!

First posted on Facebook 31 October 2021, here.